in the Loop

I thought

2011-04-10T16:16:00.001+08:00

I could let it go.

That it would be for the better.

But the monster is back.

Untitled

2010-10-04T01:32:00.003+08:00

I may be growing up, growing old, but not necessarily growing any wiser.

Randomly looked at some of my old posts, life sure has changed. For one, I couldn't care less about my haircuts now.

I've decided, rather than drowning myself in melancholy and pondering over what is and could have been, I should just do something about it.

These days, as steely as I've become in a professional capacity, emotionally I may be regressing to that young little boy I used to know. They say one becomes who they pretend to be. That may be true initially but it's starting to feel like one merely buries who they truly are, waiting to resurface violently in its battered form to rip apart the has been and is.

I choose to be

2009-08-09T20:09:00.001+08:00

A random call out of nowhere. Initially, I thought it was just a good friend checking up on me. Occasionally some do that. They ask me if I'm dead yet, or dying, but I know they have good intentions.

This one call was different. He wanted me to look outside my window. To check if there is an accident down there. No there wasn't, I told him.

"My girlfriend's been in an accident," came the somber reply. "She told me she's outside some apartments in BJ and I thought it could be yours. I'm out of town, she called me all scared, her ribs hurt and arm's bleeding."

I'm very ashamed of myself when I say this but my initial thought was that I probably shouldn't have told him I was feeling better.

But I had to make a choice. And like how I would with most decisions in life, I put myself in the other person's shoes. In this case, I imagined if I was the one in the crash, cringing in pain and hoping for a Samaritan.

Though it was quite a clear-cut decision, it wasn't an easy one to make. I told him I'll drive over and check it out. To see if I could help. And I did just that.

Even though by the time I got there her friend had already picked her to the hospital, I managed to put my friend who had lost contact with his gf, back in contact with her through her friend.

And I felt better knowing I had done the right thing. Even though I had to drag my ass out of my climate controlled (that's air conditioned for those of you more literal) abode, it was worth it being for being at peace with myself.

Everyone writes for their own reasons. To express oneself is the classic one. Same with me. But there is a certain part of me who writes to be understood. For others to see beyond the shell and everyday action, to give everyone a glimpse into my psyche and see who I truly am.

I'm not sure if everyone struggles with these decisions like I do. I have a suspicion they don't. That it comes easy to them, because it's the human thing to do. I believe in humanity like that. Which is also why it's so hard for me to say that I struggled. And I will continue to struggle. But I want to continue choosing to do the right thing. Because one day, I will need someone else to choose the same for me.

WeekEND

2009-05-11T00:59:00.000+08:00

Know I haven't been writing in a long long long time.

Though I usually don't like to write crap about my day, I suddenly feel like doing so. I haven't done so many things in a weekend in quite some time.

Let's see, finally finished work early on Fri night so went to see Wolverine. Sat did house chores with some help *wink* *wink* and had lunch at home. Then did some work before going out to Amcorp Mall (first time ever) before going to LowYat.

Finally decided to ditch the stupid undependable wireless adapter and got a PCI network card instead. Then, I got sucked into buying the beauty of a wireless mouse, aka ARC. Justified it as an investment for work.

Then came back to quickly shower and change. Went with a bunch of crazy idiots out clubbing. Met Vincent and his friend. Went and danced the night away. Got hit on, bwahahahahahaha. Pretty good looking ones too, haha.

Couldn't sleep much the next day. Guess too used to waking up at an ungodly hour, sigh. Went for late lunch, got a bit of indigestion, went to furniture shopping in Ikea, dropped by the Curve, Tesco and went to take a nap.

Finally went for dinner and come home. Replied a couple work emails and finally took the new mouse for a test drive, pretty ok but think needs a little getting use to.

Then went to fix the stupid network card in. Straight forward but surprisingly challenge. Finally figured it out and voila, working flawlessly now!

Oh, and I just rolled up a magazine, and smashed to death this huge bug that was crawling on the wall behind the monitor. All in a weekend.

March 17, 2009

2009-03-17T21:40:00.002+08:00

Good god, it's been more than a good 3 months since I last wrote here.

Lately, I've been dumbing down my language for other's sake. Not to discredit other ppl's ability, though it does point to a lack of confidence on my part, I deliberately chose to do so to avoid any misunderstandings. Although inevitably, it happens nonetheless. Pointless I guess.

Life, don't know what to think.

It's been such a blur lately. Haven't quite got the time to stop and think. Guess to a certain degree, I sorta appreciate it. Sadly, that also means I've not had any time to do leisurely things that truly interests me.

Today, made the mistake of asking the wrong question. The response I received, though not personally negative to myself, did evoke a lot of unhelpful emotions. One particular regret which I had thought was behind me came surfacing right back. Guess I do have some ways to go.

I can't help but feel I've had more regrets in my adult life than in my entire lifetime before. Probably the stakes are higher as an adult. Or adulthood doesn't really start until decisions truly matter. I don't think I will figure out that one. I do know of course, that these regrets are set in stone, with every passing day, there seems to be more for me to do in order to make up for past mistakes.

Hopefully, not everyone feel the need to redeem themselves. But I do. And I will make no apologies about it. I need my drive. I need my motivation. I need my sweat to mean something. My tears to be vindicated. I need to keep this determination inside me. The rigour & intensity all bottled up inside me, waiting for that moment of release to overcome what lack of motivation or discipline I do not have by replacing it with sheer desire and hard-headed single mindedness to get where I cannot be if I was my logical, realistic & pessimistic self.

Temporary Insomnia

2008-12-30T22:55:00.001+08:00

Can't freaking sleep. This really sucks!!!!

I've over 6 hours of sleep debt and there I was for the past hour, lying in bed, not quite drifting anywhere.

Work's treating me pretty well. It's been keeping me busy really, more busy than I'd ideally like to be, but I'm happy. At least, I won't have time to think silly thoughts.

Another silver lining of my lack REM sleep is that well, I'm here writing this. Don't really have any particular thoughts at this point, other than I feel work really does make me happy. Think that's a pretty good quality to have if I choose to be a workaholic.

Tomorrow is gonna be sooo horrible for me. Which is why it's prolly a good idea to budget in time for a cuppa (or two) mocha in the early morning.

As a parting word to the world,

WORK'S A LITTLE CRAZY AND I'M PLENTY HAPPY!

BOOYAH!

I'm reading David Sedaris

2008-12-27T18:20:00.001+08:00

His observations are so inane; he says what we all think, but dare not verbalize out loud.

Blog Analyzed

2008-11-27T22:47:00.001+08:00

ESTP - The Doers

The active and play-ful type. They are especially attuned to people and
things around them and often full of energy, talking, joking and
engaging in physical out-door activities.

The Doers are happiest with action-filled work which craves their
full attention and focus. They might be very impulsive and more keen on
starting something new than following it through. They might have a
problem with sitting still or remaining inactive for any period of
time.

Analysis

This show what parts of the brain that were dominant during writing.

I don't for a minute agree for a minute with this analysis. Can't blame it though, my writings more often than not, doesn't make much sense.

Try the Typealyzer here.

Transit

2008-10-26T01:58:00.003+08:00

7 Hours in Changi. Here's hoping time really flies.

Dali & Me

2008-10-19T14:12:00.001+08:00

It has been so long since I wrote my last post that I no longer remember what it was that I pondered openly about. Could have been a long brooding post, just an easily a whiny open letter to the world. At this point, I try not to care too much about it.

After all, live in the present right. Right?

Unlike the other avid (and much more disciplined) bloggers out there, I don't usually start an entry with a list of writing points. Nope, not me. The thought I start with, more than likely, is a world away from what I eventually end with.

Today may just be one of those day. Honestly, I don't know where I will get at. A few dozen ideas floating in my bed; a few one-liners here and there, an issue or two, or just random thoughts that even I myself don't know what to make of them.

I always knew my writing is best when I do it from the heart. Just pouring it out, a word at a time, staggered and hence, unconsciously censored. In the split second where my thoughts overtake my typing velocity, I valiantly fight that enduring battle to write what comes to mind instead of what the mind would rather have out in the open.

Very painful battle there. To say as I think or as I would have others think.

Although at this point, I have managed to half fill today's empty canvas but I do wonder if my work of art would receive any appreciation, or even better, be understood.

The best works of art is always the artist's own. Between being accepted or appreciated, I would rather be understood.

Wicked over A Spot of Bother

2008-09-07T20:40:00.001+08:00

I'm just happy to be reading again, though I'm progressing very very slowly.

September 01, 2008

2008-09-01T17:16:00.001+08:00

A friend of mine supports McCain & Palin.

I want to tell him what an idiot he is. But I don't.

August 26, 2008

2008-08-26T22:08:00.001+08:00

I'm feeling really fatigued today. Not sure if it's a combination of melancholic songs and book reading under the rain pelted windows or just physically tired.

All I feel like doing for the next couple of days is to just enjoy my own company at home, and that of my books. Though I have a nagging feeling that come the time, I would inevitably be itching for the company of others.

I wish I wasn't always so conflicted. Can't even do something to please myself for once.

August 24, 2008

2008-08-24T22:28:00.001+08:00

I forgot to discuss - with no one in particular - my good fortune the other day.

As I was leaving one interview for another, I realised I didn't have the change to pay for parking. This was after all in a hotel located adjacent to a mall which I will not divulge.

It was rather unfortunate being only a ringgit short. Those stupid self-pay machines obviously do not take RM50 notes. Thus begin my quest for change.

First, I asked this auntie who was paying next to me but she didn't have any. Then I tried going to my car to dig for counts but as luck would have it, I was completely out.

Noticing this girl reading in the car parked next to mine, I decided to chance it.

Fearing I would startle her if I tapped on her window, I resorted to waving like a fool on the other side until my jester like antics caught her attention.

"I'm sorry but I need change to pay for parking. Can you break a fifty?"

"Sorry, I don't have that much," she replied. As she was turning away, she froze for a split second, turned back around and asked.

"How much do you need?"

"I'm only short a dollar," I replied sheepishly.

A few moments later, with a smile and dollar in hand, I was rewarded.

I attempted to pay my debt the only way I could; thanking her profusely.

August 22, 2008

2008-08-22T13:47:00.002+08:00

Today I'm pissed because the stupid the car workshop charged me more than the given estimate. That's not including the additional charge he conveniently forgot to mention.

Note to workshop owners: Stay within the fucking estimate. Or at the very least, give a realistic estimate.

Now I'm plagued with the thought that I'll be spending most of my (future) disposable income on car maintenance. Sucks.

August 18, 2008

2008-08-18T20:49:00.001+08:00

I've had 4 interviews in the last 7 days. Which works out to almost one per working day.

I'm tired. Both emotionally and physically. Every interview is a roller-coaster ride. First comes the anxiety, which translates into hours of preparation. Then comes that actual nerve wrecking interview. As if the interview itself isn't torturous enough, I need to do a playback in my head after all is said and done, occasionally slapping myself for that foot-in-mouth moment. Finally, it's time for the waiting game, which is rather self-explanatory.

Even though I should be thankful I'm actually getting calls, I don't know how long I can go on at this rate.

I'm not sure if it's generally the case or just my unfortunate experience, it sure seems like the hiring process is one long slowly drawn out bad dream.

Quote of the Day

2008-08-12T00:28:00.000+08:00

"Do you know Taekwondo?"

"No, but I know BodyCombat."

August 11, 2008

2008-08-11T09:42:00.000+08:00

On Sat, I did something somewhat uncharacteristic of me. I woke up at 6am to go hiking.

My GPS working its magic. I'm hardly pious but maybe it is God Providing Signals.

Admittedly, I had very naive ideas about hiking. My last hiking experience involves walking on a tar road and mentally planning what to have for dim sum after.

Passing by a dam on the way to the mountain.

The weather was simply splendid.

This time around, there were no tar roads. There were however, 2 rivers to wade through and 3 streams to hop over. Not forgetting the fallen bamboos and trees to climb over and under.

Wet to the ankles. Hiked all the way up and back down with my shoes and socks soaked.

When they told me the hike takes 3.5 to 4 hours, I presumed it was both ways. I was evidently mistaken considering we started at 9am and only returned after 6pm. Either we spent all that time hiking or got sucked into a time warp. I only wish it was the latter.

The fallen bamboos

Even if I were to ignore the hours spent in the jungle (I'm not kidding here), my body - especially my legs - definitely sent me a very very clear message. The 'message' became very intense towards the peak where I finally decided to live and fight another day. Even though I did want to go on, my body just would not let me. Definitely a case where the body couldn't keep up with the spirit.

Abandoned fort at the peak which I did not make.

Now that I've made my way down the wretched mountain, I find it easier to appreciate the experience more. For one, there was cellphone reception (though spotty) on said mountain. And plenty of mosquito repellent to go around. Also, for the first time of my life, I stripped down to my black boxer briefs and just dipped myself in the waterfall. All inhibitions stripped from me, together with my energy after 9 hours of a grueling hike.

I arrived home about 10pm and went to bed 30 minutes later. Had the best 13 hour sleep of my life.

From the whole experience, I prefer to come away with good memories. So here's a self-reminder that I did have fun and it was 9 hours and 1100m/3600ft above ground.

No Lesbian Love for Katy Perry

2008-08-09T01:46:00.001+08:00

The faux lesbian is so tacky and offensive that the real ones want nothing to with her.

Forever

2008-08-08T17:33:00.000+08:00

I'm not unwilling to admit that Chris Brown's Forever is my not-so-guilty pleasure at the moment. Even though I don't actually hear any of the lyrics, but you gotta hand it to the producers for making such a good melody out of the synthesized vocal and beats.

But not what everyone knows is that, the single was actually conceptualized as an advertisement jingle first, before being developed into a hit. And what a hit it was.

Actually this is not uncommon really. I was lucky enough to have worked on (very minimally) a similar project back when I was in advertising. The client got a duet recorded by both a local and neighbouring country singer. Then it was used in the TVC and released as a single to the local radio. If I wasn't mistaken, it actually did pretty well on the charts.

Anyway, if you do see this video (or hear the jingle) below in the future, you've been warned.

August 07, 2008

2008-08-07T02:28:00.001+08:00

I'm going to take a bold step and assume that, somewhere out there among my 2 readers, someone is wondering about my well-being as a result of my last post.

Well, right now I'm gonna assure him/her/it that I'm doing ok. Not great or happy - my life in general is never quite that fantastic - but OK.

Just one of those days where pigs not only fly, they rain stink bombs on my world. Doesn't kill me, just stinks.

August 05, 2008

2008-08-05T00:07:00.001+08:00

If it was the right thing to do, why the hell do I feel so awful.

August 04, 2008

2008-08-04T02:31:00.001+08:00

Evidently I haven't been disciplined.

In fact, today I engaged in some rather unsafe driving. Admittedly, I was somewhat distracted. My thoughts have that effect on me.

I should be thankful that I didn't get into trouble. But I'm not. Just a sense of indifference.

For someone who thinks too much, I'm amazed how my thoughts never lead anywhere but apathy.

Time for bed.

July 23, 2008

2008-07-23T22:56:00.001+08:00

Been really busy for the past few days. Lots of running around. Real tired.

Updates will resume next week, if I'm disciplined.

July 21, 2008

2008-07-21T22:43:00.001+08:00

I meant to blog for the past 2 days but the internet seems to be ill. It's acting a lil bit like me when i'm under the weather; annoying, slow, unreliable and generally depressing.

Guess the pictures will just have to wait.

I kissed (a girl) and the censors doesn't like it

2008-07-19T23:32:00.000+08:00

I'm sure the lot of you who doesn't live in a cave (I've been made aware that there are some out there) would have heard this very recent inane hit with lesbian tendencies.

This is one hit which obviously rides on the taboo and kinky nature of select human sexuality to generate some sophomoric appeal, especially considering some girl on girl action is the new pink. Just ask Tina Tequila.

Therefore, I'm utterly surprised that they would actually play the song as a hit here, when it's completely stripped of its essence.

There is nothing catchy about the melody in general, especially when two very important words in the lyrics were 'dropped'. What's left brings to mind an awkward silence one experiences when riding an empty elevator with a partner who caught you in bed with someone else.

Not fun.

At all.

Sometimes I really wonder how much crap our media force feed us. Seriously, we really do not need to lap everything up just because it originates from cool central. Just once, if the original is not attainable, we're seriously better off without the badly mangled version.

July 17, 2008

2008-07-17T20:31:00.001+08:00

Today has been a rather uneventful day.

A disappointment or two, but nothing damning.

In fact, it's going exactly the way I want it to, just me enjoying my own company at home.

But I get a thought. After days and days of going out, turns out, sitting at home isn't as satisfying as I thought.

Then, somehow, as it always happen with me, something else popped into my head.

It started innocently enough.

Am I being productive today?

I don't feel like I'm doing enough.

Am I good enough?

I'm not smart enough.

I need to be more intelligent.

I need to be more approachable.

Am I attractive?

I'm not stunningly good looking.

I don't dress very well either.

I'm too thin.

I'm not fat enough.

I'm too fat.

Am I lovable?

Am I nice enough to people?

I need to be a better person.

I have to improve myself.

Then I think.

Is it my penchant for setting high expectations for myself?

I honestly don't know.

I do know, the pursuit of perfection is a self-damning one.

Yet, I can't just drop it. That would be uncharacteristic of me.

So I guess I'll just have to pursue that elusive equilibrium.

Guess that's only an occasionally damning pursuit.

July 13, 2008

2008-07-13T15:38:00.001+08:00

On Saturday, I woke up slightly earlier than usual (1105) and proceeded to procrastinate, just like usual.

Therefore, it was no surprise I was late for my 1pm. I'm happy to say, despite my honorable attempts, I did not break character.

I was quite nice being able to meet up with my sister. We last saw each other close to 2 months back. At the time, I bid her farewell. This time around, we had lunch, strolled around a lil, and she bid me farewell before going back to shopping.

I think we've both grown in the past one year. If nothing else, we've grown accustomed to saying goodbye. These days, it seems like I all I do is say goodbye to people. Something I'm starting to be able to do with sentimental nonchalance.

Back home, I finally managed to make myself pick up a book. Something which I've wanted to do for awhile but let my procrastinating nature get the better of me.

Then later that night, I went out. And I shall leave it at that.

July 12, 2008

2008-07-12T18:58:00.001+08:00

I'm not doing this again.

My thoughts flow (though erratically) best when I'm stuck in a rut. Exploiting it, I dig deep into my emotions to unleash the silent monster. Leaving a big gash, blooding gushing out, cleansing my heart out.

I am not doing it.

July 11, 2008

2008-07-11T17:26:00.001+08:00

I feel like saying "I feel like dying" just to get a reaction out of ppl. Maybe a little sympathies too.

But I don't.

I feel very proud of myself. I still have my dignity. But of course, it's also very much for sale. Currently, looking for the highest bidder.

Next week will be a big one for me, I hope.

Hopefully I will have something to celebrate then.

Until then, I'm going out for a movie tonight. There are some plans for the weekend but I really do think I should stay home and save money. Don't feel particular inclined to have fun. I need to punish myself.

A meme, almost

2008-07-02T23:47:00.001+08:00

Got tagged with a meme. I think it's the first time, or just the only time I ever found out (she told me on IM).

~~Here it goes.~~

I changed my mind. The meme is too darn difficult. JinAnn, next time, pass me an easier one ok. I seriously can't finish the thing. Even got stumped on the first question already.

Too bad.

Splash

2008-06-16T11:14:00.002+08:00

It was a weekend in the country. Cruising on a boat down the river at midnight, illuminated by the moon. It had never been so bright in my life. The skies, an apt pair with millions of brilliantly lit stars.

An afternoon spent experiencing wakeboarding for the first time, followed by a day of aching all over. I had finally met the friendly and accomodating future-in-laws. Here's hoping they found me as likeable as I did them. Can't help but feel a sense of dread for the big day.

This will all be over in slightly over a week. All good things must come to an end, even the bittersweet ones.

Cincy, OH

2008-06-13T02:54:00.002+08:00

A lot of you have been asking me about where I am in the States and I'm sure even more have wondered but chose not to say anything about it.

I just found a solution to this.

3 Doors Down recently filmed their latest video, "It's Not My Time" right here in Cincinnati. You can get a good feel of the city in 4 minutes and 8 seconds, much more than I can offer you in that short timespan.

The only thing I would add is that the videomakes the city feel bigger than it really is. Much cooler too, lol.

Flip

2008-06-11T12:16:00.004+08:00

I'm ready to go out and socialise.

These two months of sitting at home have been somewhat liberating and rejuvenating. Not that I haven't had any human contact or met some really amazing and interesting ppl.

But I think I'm finally ready to go exhaust myself socialising and make some real lasting connection with ppl who I will possibly, actually see again.

Is this a sign

2008-05-13T10:55:00.002+08:00

I've been doing too much shopping.

One of my shopping bag has gone missing. Actually it's several from the same day consolidated into one, and the entire thing is now MIA.

Maybe it's a sign I'm not meant to wear skinny jeans.... :P

First Wed

2008-05-08T05:48:00.002+08:00

Well, I've arrived. Spent a fun weekend running around mostly shopping. Went for a couple of drinks too. Been fun I suppose.

Inevitably however, I can't spend all my days running around. Eventually, I'd run out of places to go. There's only so much cable and video games I can do.

Anyone has any ideas of something productive I could do at home?

Right now, I'm considering
1. Cooking
2. WoW
3. The local community center

Anything else?

In the mood

2008-05-01T02:40:00.001+08:00

for a romance novel.

Or some sort of writing that expressively convinces me that the racing heart, flashes of thoughts throughout the day and palpitations do exist. Even though maybe not for me.

Quick Note at FK's

2008-04-28T13:06:00.003+08:00

Back in Ipoh for two days. Really quite a lot to be done before I get to leave.

Flying off on the May 1st, that's like 3 days away. Totally not looking for my 8 hour layover in Narita, sigh. Guess it's all part of the deal.

Ok, time to go lunch now. Adios!

Dear Candidate

2008-04-23T14:03:00.001+08:00

I'm so pissed. Everywhere I look, everyone's looking for graduates with a business degree, accounting and occasionally economics.

Where does that leave the rest of us who did Social Science. Are we supposed to feel like lesser candidates? The unemployable ones?

It's so so frustrating. Not to mention heart-breaking.

Just because I didn't do 3 years of management doesn't mean I'm incapable of doing the work. Sure, I may not have had the same depth of theoretical exposure but when it comes to doing to job, there is so freaking difference between me and another fresh business graduate. I am no less intelligent or capable.

It really makes me wonder if I made the wrong choice. Maybe I should have succumbed entirely to my Asian sensibilities and did something really safe, like say, Business Administration. *sarcastic laugh*

This whole situation also brings up certain thoughts of regret I had in the past, over some very very stupid decisions. Some things I'll just have to live with.

Arrrrghhhh...... I really really need to scream my lungs out.

Early or Late

2008-04-15T11:44:00.001+08:00

Mom called me last night to apologise before wishing me a Happy Belated Birthday.

I couldn't be angry with her. Maybe somewhat amused. After all, my birthday is still more than a month away =P She had reversed the day and month of my birthday and hence thought it was in April.

Then, we started talking about my sister and she suddenly made an observation.

"She's quite smart and independent huh."

Me being exasperated, "Hello, did it take you that long to come to that conclusion??"

Sigh.... Next thing you know she's gonna tell me, "Wow, you're so grown up already!"

And I wouldn't know how to feel about that either.

Live Fast

2008-04-14T00:58:00.001+08:00

I'm feeling the pressure. It seems like in this age of living fast, we're all expected to have it all, and have it yesterday.

Some ppl are blind

2008-04-10T12:25:00.001+08:00

I'm not middle-aged, balding with love handles pouring out of my sides.

And most importantly, I'M NOT AN UNCLE!

Stupid kids these days I tell you.

Maybe it's all the yellow hair dye seeping into the brain or just plain ignorance, but a guy merely a few years older than you with a full head of jet black hair does not constitute an uncle!

Some ppl are just so rude. Tsk tsk.

The End is Near

2008-04-08T22:04:00.001+08:00

It's exam day tomorrow. And I hardly studied. Heck, I din even finish the stupid thesis that I was supposed to finish.

I'm just a lazy and useless.

And to think these final grades are forever. If I screw up now, I'm screwed for life (what I was to put it huh).

Ok, fine. I'm giving myself 30 minutes break. And then I'm hitting the books again!

Anyway it's only 4 papers. I realised I've grown very very lazy. Totally not very proud of myself right now.

I'll write again soon!

On the fence

2008-04-05T01:54:00.001+08:00

Sometimes when you really think about it, what is the purpose of life?

Are we really here to do something? Or it's really just free-for-all?

On a good day, I believe life is what we make of it. Today, however, is not one of those days.

Today, I'm wondering what's the point of it all.

Today, I wonder if we've all been wired by media and societal expectations to seek certain things in life. The so-called fairy tale ending for our supposedly perfect lives.

Don't get me wrong. I am happy...

I think I am happy....

Maybe I am happy....

Fuck happy.

Sometimes, we work so hard in life, to achieve things; the good grades, to be that good friend, the understanding person, the immaculate work, show stopping presentations and all that jazz. But what's the point of it all. Hoarding accomplishments like trophies that doesn't make any difference anyway?

Is it supposed to make a difference? Slowly snowballing into subtle changes?

I really don't know. I just want to know does all these trying make a difference. I've never been a believer of fate. But sometimes, I think it's much easier to just leave it all to 'fate', lay down and let life take its course.

Random Scribblings

2008-03-16T16:58:00.001+08:00

I’m not playing a game of fetch

I’m not throwing a boomerang

It will only come back

To hit me in the face

When will you ever get the catch

Sometimes when people walk away

On the way out they pick up their sack

They ain’t coming back, baby

Ain’t coming back

I’ve since filled sealed this gap

Took with me a map

Leading me out of this mess

It’s not the end

So stop playing games

My energy is sapped

It’s time to confess

Life, baby, don’t look back.

* Note, I'm feeling completely alright. Just got inspired (or deluded) by a song.

Picture Booth

2008-03-10T00:59:00.002+08:00

*UPDATE

The reason I posted these is because I kinda went shopping the other day and I've had my eyes on these two items in Springfield since forever. Finally, they had a sale so I went to try them on.

I bought the one in blue but not very sure about the white shirt. It's very very pricey and I don't know if I should get a S or M. The one I'm currently wearing is S but it does look a lil tight in person. The M looks a bit too wide if I don't roll up the sleeves.

Dilemma dilemma.

It doesn't matter though if there isn't any further reduction, I won't be buying it anyway. We shall see then.

_____________

Since I haven't blogged in a long time, I'll leave u guys with these.

Untitled

2008-02-26T17:12:00.001+08:00

I realise I haven't written anything in a long time. The truth is, there just isn't much to write about.

Sure, they were some good times, hanging out with friends, going out to do fun things, but nothing that strongly compelled me to write.

Just a lot to do lately. And I'm very lazy as usual. Feeling really stressed out about the stupid thesis. Yet, unwilling to haul my own lazy ass and be more productive. Then there's the impending exams. And French oral, gosh..... And no, not that kind of oral, lol. The verbal kind, lol.

Well, the day seems to be passing slowly. I guess that's how it is when you skip classes for the entire day and spend it at home, lol. And so far, I've only managed to do one thing. Sigh, life kinda sucks.

I've just went from busy to online and started chatting again. Guess I'll send this off into cyberspace and go back to lazing around.... :P

Day 2

2008-02-09T17:07:00.000+08:00

Was so hectic yesterday I didn't have time to write about my trivial pursuits on the second day of CNY, lol.

As usual, woke up after noon. Then I went to Jo's house to kick back and chill. She happily served us tea, with sugar and milk. So English, haha... We half-expected her to bring out scones but she didn't make yesterday :P

After boring ourselves with ChorTaiDee, Jo whipped out a set of Trivial Pursuit from 1986! And the UK no doubt. If you thought trivia was difficult, try answering stuff from the last generation. Alas, it became more of a game of charades and Taboo, with us giving each other hints in order to guess the answer, lol.

Then at night went for some horribly boring SMI reunion considering not many ppl turned up, and even less on time. The fun started after though, at CheeLim's place. Really laughed till my stomach hurt and ended up playing mahjong until 5am, lol.

If nothing else good came about this CNY, at least I learned how play mahjong, roflmao.

Day 1

2008-02-07T17:17:00.000+08:00

Ok, so I woke up at 2pm today. Not like there's anything to do really. I did drag myself out of bed at about 10am to chat with my eldest sis on the phone though, if only for 10 minutes.

Feeling very thirsty, I drank a cup of milk. Yup, such a throwback to the days of my forefathers. I bet back in the day, the first thing they do is sip refrigerated low fat milk while sitting there dazed.

Then while sitting at the dining table collecting myself, dad gave me my angpow which I immediately thanked him for. However, 5 seconds later, I realised I kinda missed something out.

So I added, albeit a little too late, "Oh, I forgot Gong Hei Fatt Choi."

And he just laughed...

Yup, this is CNY for my family.

Which reminds me, mom hasn't given me my red packet yet... Must remind her later.

Not that it matters, considering she pointed out to me last night that I still hasn't opened my angpows from last year. They're all still pilled in the corner of my cupboard. Guess more money for me this year, provided I remember to open them this Golden Rat year.

Day 0

2008-02-06T22:50:00.000+08:00

Stupid CNY, I'm so bored!!!!!

My reunion dinner lasted a mere 20 minutes, with only sis, mom and myself. Dad conveniently ate earlier. Apparently, no one's really bothered cuz afterall, not everyone is here anyway.

Still, such a killjoy. Totally no CNY feel at all.

So after dinner, I took a shower and started reading magazine in the room. Sis was online, dad doing his work and mom on chores. Yes, such a fantabulous CNY eve....

Finished reading the whole freaking mag, so now I'm online. As it is, not many ppl online either, I assume everyone having a great time which makes me feel mine suck even more.

The only upside to this is the holidays which is making me really really lazy - more than I already am - and I'm constantly stuffed, which only bodes well for my weight gaining ambitions.

It hurts!

2008-01-26T12:53:00.001+08:00

Got a big fat pimple above my upper lip and it's killing me! Oh the pain..... What did I ever do to deserve this, sigh...

Cleared the whole weekend of plans. It's time for me to really sit down and start doing some real, considering I've got two assignments due next week in addition to two exams. Unfortunately, I'm currently struck by a bout of laziness. I guess waking up at noon doesn't really help my cause, sigh.

Anyway, I have to eat all my meals alone this entire weekend. Housemate will be out all the time so I have to buy food on my own. Having to go out to buy stuff to eat is really really troublesome, sucks. Someone, invent a food pill pls!

Waiting Waiting Waiting

2008-01-23T01:38:00.001+08:00

Just realised I haven't written anything in a long long time.

Nothing much to say really. Been real busy but I'm glad that I've been mostly very happy.

I'm definitely content. Which means, no dark angst ridden post for a long time hopefully.

Can't wait for the (Chinese) New Year!

Type of ICT User

2008-01-12T14:58:00.001+08:00

Where do you fit?

Your Results

Based on
your answers to the questionnaire, you most closely resemble survey
respondents within the Connectors typology group. This does not mean
that you necessarily fit every group characteristic.

Connectors make up 7% of the American public.

Basic Description

The Connectors' collection of information technology is used for a mix
of one-to-one and one-to-many communication. They very much like how
ICTs keep them in touch with family and friends and they like how ICTs
let them work in community groups to which they belong. They are
participants in cyberspace - many blog or have their own web pages -
but not at the rate of Omnivores. They are not as sure-footed in their
dealings with ICTs as Omnivores. Connectors suspect their gadgets could
do more for them, and some need help in getting new technology to
function properly.

Defining Characteristics

Connectors combine a sense that information technology is good for
social purposes with a clear recognition that online resources are a
great way to learn new things. Their cell phones have a lot of
features, and they also try new things with technology; more than half
have watched TV programming on a device like a laptop computer or cell
phone.

Who They Are

Connectors, which make up 7% of the population, have a median age of
38, with a majority (54%) in the 30-49 age range. Ethnically, it is
mostly white (72%); 16% are Black and 12% are English-speaking
Hispanics. The typical Connector has been online for 9 years, which
suggests they were a second-wave of late 1990s adopters. Most are women
(55%) and they rate above average in educational attainment and income.

Take the quiz here.

The Day Before Tomorrow

2008-01-04T21:32:00.001+08:00

It was a big day. New Year's Eve party. On my way to my friend's party.

It was of utmost important that every single strand of my hair was architecturally messed up.

Looked for the universal sign plastered through malls throughout the country, I sneaked into the washroom.

It was completely empty. Smiling to myself, I got to work. First I unzipped my backpack and hung it on the wall. My supplies neatly tucked into their respective compartments, waiting to fulfill their duties.

First, taking off my accessories (watch & ring) and place them into one of the pockets. Next I dug out my wax, took a little and my hands began working its magic. Not too messy, just adequately tousled. Slowing working towards that equilibrium of structure and texture.

A guy walks in and parks himself two counters down from me. He's equally engrossed with his coiffure. Suddenly, I feel him watching me. Before he speaks, I know what he wants. Glancing over, I grinned at him and extended my case of wax over the counter. Thanking me profusely, he took some and went back to working on his hair.

We both finish about the same time. As he exits, he gives me a flash of his pearly whites. I return the same and wait till he's out the door.

Time to finish up, I thought to myself. Reaching into the corner of my bag, I pull out my hairspray. "Set and Keep", it says on the label. Adapting the stance, left hand on my forehead protecting my eyes, my right index finger pushed down on the nozzle and vapour sprayed out generously all over my laboriously created work of art.

Taking a step back, I look at the boy staring back at me. I grin, and he grins back. We both look good. Satisfied, I pack up and leave.

Mission Accomplish.

Maybe I should have done Economics

2007-12-30T21:45:00.001+08:00

It maybe a little too late for this but I recently did a quiz for the best major. Surprisingly, I pretty much matched what I had in mind. Guess I can finally relax... or not.

WHAT MAJOR IS RIGHT FOR YOU?
created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as Accounting/Finance/Marketing

You should strongly consider majoring (or minoring) in Accounting, Finance, Economics, Marketing, or related majors (e.g., Computer/Management Information Systems (CIS or MIS), Entrepreneurship, International Business, Operations Management, Public Administration, Real Estate, Risk Management, Sports Management).

It is possible that the best major for you is your 2nd, 3rd, or even 5th listed category, so be sure to consider ALL majors in your OTHER high scoring categories (below). You may score high in a category you didnt think you would--it is possible that a great major for you is something you once dismissed as not for you. The right major for you will be something 1) you love and enjoy and 2) are really great at it.

Consider adding a minor or double majoring to make yourself standout and to combine your interests. Please post your results in your myspace/blog/journal.

Accounting/Finance/Marketing

100%

English/Journalism/Comm

94%

Psychology/Sociology

81%

Education/Counseling

75%

HR/BusinessManagement

63%

PoliticalScience/Philosophy

50%

Visual&PerformingArts

44%

French/Spanish/OtherLanguage

44%

Nursing/AthleticTraining/Health

31%

Biology/Chemistry/Geology

31%

Religion/Theology

25%

Mathematics/Statistics

19%

History/Anthropology/LiberalArts

13%

Physics/Engineering/Computer

Late Night Musings

2007-12-10T03:40:00.001+08:00

I can't sleep. And hence I'm suddenly inspired to write a few words.

I don't really have any sort of idea on what I'd write about. But I guess I'll just start it off and the thoughts will follow.

Not true.

Nothing out of the ordinary comes to mind. Or maybe I've spent the last couple of months suppressing my thoughts that the well has dried up, the stream diverted elsewhere.

Well, since there doesn't to be much for me to do now, I shall give myself a couple of minutes to reflect on the last six months.

~

Came home from my vacation with renewed vigour, a direction which to take my life. Armed with new experiences and expectations, I marched on to blaze a new trail. A few months in, that spirit fizzled somewhat but I think I have managed to keep most of its essence with me.

Also, the internship came and went.

It was definitely an eye-opening experience. I've met a lot of interesting ppl to say the least. And finally saw the industry (and its people) for what it truly is. I'm sure the experience has impacted my attitude and perception of life somewhat.

One thing for sure, in the few short months, I've had a change of lifestyle. I went from a homebody to a boy about town. Drink in hand, I feel comfortable going around town seeking for the new dessert or tomorrow's chic dining spot.

And the friends, let's not forget the friends. The source of all good and evil.

~

I'm sleepy now and frankly, a little weary of reminiscing. Looking over my shoulder, I see the good, and also the carnage. Ahead, there is only hope.

I choose to go forward. To move on.

Untitled

2007-11-29T02:05:00.000+08:00

I need something from you
A thought, a smile, a frown, a tear
A split second crack of your facade
Just point me in the right direction

Saturday Night

2007-11-18T21:52:00.001+08:00

Beowulf is basically soft porn. Didn't blow me away. Stardust is better.

Thai Express is disappointing. The first time didn't really rock and they didn't redeem themselves last night either. Scratching them off the list.

Long Island Iced Tea in Sanctuary. Just like my friend said, a lot of 'oomph'. Made me very happppiiieeeeeeeeee, hehehehe. And yes, a lot of ppl already know that, hehe.

Murni at SS2. The usual stuff, lots of ppl, really hot. But had their two specialty, claypot lou shu fun and roti hawaii. Really helped with clearing a little of that happiness, lol.

Tonight, I'm just gonna chill and laze. 5 days more.

Zipped

2007-11-18T19:48:00.001+08:00

I got the closure I needed.

Now, the challenge is keeping the lip on, closed tight. And while I'm at it, let's make it an air-tight seal.

Ring Ring

2007-11-18T19:43:00.001+08:00

Feel so guilty for making that call.

No choice though. Either that or starve to death. Not really much of an option.

Looking Forward to Independence Day

2007-11-11T17:56:00.001+08:00

It's true what they say. Better to have had it, then never before.

What they don't say is the insanity of coping with the aftermath. Sigh, our propensity to sugar coat everything.

Why is there so much pressure to be happy? To always be doing 'well' and having a great time.

And sometimes when it is the people who need to hear the truth most, we put on out best cheerful facade and then launch into a list of exciting and absolutely fun & adventurous things you've done in the past couple of day.

Maybe I'm just too proud to admit I'm miserable. Or maybe the misery is only temporary - a means to the end - but the liberation at the end is truly, well, liberating.

Dejavu

2007-11-08T23:52:00.001+08:00

I'm chatting with two halves of a couple, who each doesn't know the other is talking to me.

Then, I figured it out! Seriously, my instinct is really spot on. Man, I'm a genius!

I Can't Keep Up

2007-11-04T12:59:00.001+08:00

with the kids.... Think my body's falling apart.... Gosh, I need a massage....

Sexy Cut

2007-11-03T01:59:00.001+08:00

I love it!!

Long Long Day

2007-10-27T18:32:00.000+08:00

Came home back 11 something last nite and immediately went out wif FK. Went to satisfy my ice-cream cravings with a sundae at McD and since I wanted to make the most out of my time here, went to hv the famous Ipoh Spring Chicken. Hung there till bout 3am, lol...

Supposed to go out for lunch wif a bunch of frens but only woke at 3pm, lol. So much for making the most of my time, lol. Feel really bad for bailing out though. Then again, those fellas should hv called to wake me up. Not entirely my fault.

Finally get some free time to come online...

Creatures of the Dark

2007-10-16T05:21:00.001+08:00

It haunts me.

Why bring it up again?

Is once not enough?

Is twice not enough?

Is it ever enough?

Why is it when I look around me, there you are?

Why is it when I am having the best time of my life, there you are again?

Why is it when I banish you, you find your way back?

The sky is dark outside.

The world is fast asleep.

I am wide awake.

And it haunts me.

I'm Sorry - Monograms

2007-10-15T01:06:00.001+08:00

Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Dun wanna Think.

Fast for Freedom

2007-10-13T14:37:00.000+08:00

I haven't eaten for the past 22hrs. And still counting...

Just don't feel like it. Have no idea why...

Why can't someone invent a food pill that I can just pop?

Loooooong Weekend

2007-10-12T23:32:00.000+08:00

Finally, a 5 day weekend!! Such a luxury, makes me soooo happy.

Finally went to Pavillion yesterday afternoon. Very very cool place. Definitely head and shoulders above The Gardens. Then again, it's prolly not fair to compare the two. Gardens is definitely the luxury extension to Megamall while Pavillion encompasses both high-end and luxury goods. However, architecture wise, Pavillion rocks!!! Love their Raya decoration too, very ingenious.

At the end of the day, I didn't have change to pay for parking but luckily a very nice lady gave me change for my RM50. Totally made my day. Just go to show there are good people in this world, and for me to strive being the same.

Home (But Leaving Soon)

2007-09-16T15:04:00.000+08:00

Current Fave Song: Daughtry - Over You

Feels good to be home.

No expectation, no plans. Just chill.

It's great to be taken care once in a while, lol.

Just remembered that I've yet to do my thesis chapter 2, darn.

Will conveniently ignore it for you.

Wanna enjoy a chilly rainy day lazing at home.

13 Hrs Sleep

2007-09-15T18:54:00.000+08:00

Enjoying the life right now.

No doing laundry, no ironing clothes, no wondering what I should hv for dinner. Everything taken care of.

That's what parents are for, hehehe.

Fri, Sat & Sun

2007-09-09T23:53:00.001+08:00

Another weekend has pass. Pretty good one too.

Looking to be awed. Am I expecting too much?

Chill

2007-09-02T13:34:00.001+08:00

Today is not a good day to wear board shorts.

It looks like it's going to rain, dark clouds and the wind blowing constantly.

As I was waiting for the elevator, a strong gust came, blew up my broad board shorts and my balls froze over.

Chilled meatballs anyone? Lol.....

Two Plus One

2007-09-01T14:36:00.001+08:00

She has always insisted I blog about her so CP, this is for you, lol.

After waiting for the entire night, finally CP called me at 12am (actually 11.49pm) to pick her and her fren, Jovean up from Sheraton Subang. Even though I had no freaking idea where that was, luckily I've been to SJMC so it wasn't difficult to get there.

To cut the long story short, we had supper at Steven's (so so only) and only went to bed after 3am.

Woke up late this morning, went breakfast and decided to take the train down to Puduraya to send them off.

As we were happily chatting away, two guys came into the train and immediately CP turned to me and said matter-of-factly, "That guy is checking you out."

"What? U mean he's checking you I out?" I responded.

"No, he's checking you out. And he's smiling at you now."

I turned only to get a glimpse of a not very attractive guy beaming at me..... Started wondering if I knew him. He did look somewhat similar to someone I knew but didn't ring any bells.

"Now, he's checking Jovean out," with a slight hint of aggravation in her voice. "This is seriously not right!"

"Come on, maybe he's just looking around," both Jo and me getting more uncomfortable being ogled.

"No, he's downright mentally undressing you guys and it's not fair. Here I am, a pretty girl sitting here and the damn bastard is checking out the both of you!!!! What is the world coming to!"

Yup, so that's the issue....

Best thing out of Canada

2007-08-31T13:10:00.001+08:00

After a long night yesterday, surprisingly I awoke at 1230. My body just refused to let me sleep anymore even though it was barely 9 hours.

Gave my fren a call and decided I will go over bout 2pm.

As I was flipping through the channels, Cirque Du Soleil came on, presenting Allegria. Watching it brought back a lot of memories, not to mention a little hint of the awe and excitement I felt during Corteo.

I miss her and I miss my time with her.

Ramblings at 3am

2007-08-31T02:51:00.000+08:00

I'm chatting with fren. He's not letting me go sleep. Been deprived for days. Luckily, tmr public holiday so I can sleep in. Right now, I'm kinda pushing, for no good reason.

One of these days, I'm gonna regret it.

Tmr, plan to meet someone for lunch. But it looks like I won't wake up in time for lunch, hahahaha.
Divine creator, master of the universe, please make my weekend and exciting one. Make great plans happen for me without having to lift a finger or make any calls. May invitations for good times come pouring in.

Who am I kidding....... I'm gonna be miserable this weekend....

Ramblings on a Saturday

2007-08-25T15:19:00.001+08:00

It's the weekend again. Time flies when work takes up 8 to 8 everyday, including commuting and staying back to finish up.

Again, I don't have any plans again for the weekend. Luckily, I am no longer. A fren will be coming over to stay the night so I would have to play host.

So much for wanting to turn my life completely around, I'm just slowly falling back into old habits. And WOW is really not helping any.

I decided I hate my hair. It looks darn weird, must reprimand the stylist the next time I go see her.

Also, I'm still thin. Sigh, life sucks. I injured the muscles in my shoulder blade a couple weeks back and it's still yet to completely recover. I despise being skin and bones. There really isn't any other for me but to fight genetics. And that my frens, is not an easy thing to do....

One Night of Sweet Escape

2007-08-22T00:06:00.001+08:00

Gwen Stefani rocks!!!!!

She is absolutely fantastic!!!

Loved her show, so worth going.

And the idiots of the nation are an embarrassment to the country.

She's as best as they come, a good mother and amazing entertainer. Practically a role model.

Those ppl who criticised her probably don't even understand her. All they did is make the country look bad. Morons!!!

Note: Will try to post pics soon, lol!

It's the Fairy Tales

2007-08-20T22:17:00.001+08:00

We have princess kissing the ugly frog, who then turns into a handsome prince.
So we teach young girls not to judge men by how they look, but instead give them a chance cause they might turn out to be very nice men or filthy rich (modern day prince).

Hence, we get ugly men with good looking girls.

But unfortunately, no self-respecting prince ever saved an ugly princess. So can you really blame men for prioritising looks above everything else?

If fairy tales is what we feed kids, don't blame them for all that's wrong with the world.

Slow Sun

2007-08-19T18:53:00.001+08:00

Seeing that I've yet to recover from my flu, I decided to take it easy today.

Had a fren come over for lunch. He was kind enough to bring ample food and even flu medication, as mine had run out.

We did what old frens do best, caught each other up with our respective lives. It's nice to have a good chat with friends, sometimes. All these going and going and going in life, it feels refreshing to sit down and chill for a couple of hours. I'm not not even officially working yet I've been so caught up with working life. It really can't be helped but be immersed in the whole experience. Though sometimes, I feel I'm not being treated seriously cause, at the end of the day, I'm just an intern. That's another topic for another day though.

We also managed pop in a DVD and just chill for the afternoon. I seriously don't mind more Sundays like this, having friends over for a chat and watching a movie in the comforts of home.

That's a good life to look forward to.

Apparition

2007-08-12T23:19:00.001+08:00

Just did some chores. God, nvr knew there's so many little things to do around the house. It's downright annoying. So much for my househusband aspirations, lol.

While on the way back from dinner, I took the elevator up to my apartment just like any other day. As the door opened, I took a step and I looked up to a ghost in my face!

We both jumped immediately. She shrieked.

And then we both realised we're looking at mere mortals from the physical plane. Now you know what poor lighting can do to ppl.......

Snips

2007-08-12T01:48:00.000+08:00

New haircut again today!!!

Was very satisfied at the salon.

Though looking at the picture now, having second thoughts....

E

2007-08-09T16:03:00.001+08:00

Here I am, alone again.

No sadness. I'm happy. Happy for you. Happy you are finally moving on with your life, to better things, achieving your dreams. To find happiness.

Today, after a long absence, I came home knowing it will never be the same again. The image that greeted me looked just like any other day; messy dining table, tv remote left on the couch. Yet, the silence was blaring in my years.

I stopped myself from processing but sitting here, reality comes crashing down.

You're gone.

I'm proud of myself because you leaving will not render me into a complete wreck. You can rest assured that I will be able to take care of myself. You have one less thing to worry. However, pangs of guilt take over me, I don't need you anymore as much as I want to. I'm a big boy now.

With you gone too, there's really not much left for me. And it even more apparent now, that one day, I myself will set out and make my mark in the world.

You know how much I've taken to you over the years.We were close, inseparably close. The hanging out during the weekend whenever you're back. The chatting late out nite before going to out.

Even all my frens remark how unusually close we are when we chat on the phone.

I don't know want to lose that bond we have. Yet, I have a feeling like everything else in the world, things change.

Let's hope we both become better as a person, yet retain what makes us inherently us. The part of us that ties us together, our intangible but very much apparent connection.

I love you. Remember that no matter what. I love you.

Let's hope our paths align again.

Snips

2007-07-22T23:32:00.000+08:00

I've got a new haircut. Really like it, for now, lol.

Prepare for my new look..................

*Drumroll*
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Ta da!

I've been simpsonized!!

So, do we look alike?

The Land of Traffic Jams and Bad Dreams

2007-07-05T17:35:00.000+08:00

I'm back.

More specifically, back in KL. In this familliar yet strange 3 walls and a window.

I don't feel like writing about my trip anymore. That phase has already come and gone, leaving me great memories that none can rob. It's time to look ahead and move on.

It's great to be home and meet up with all my fantastic frens. Each and every single one of them is great ppl. It is truly a gift to be able to come home to their warm welcome.

Even that however, is over. Tomorrow I will have to make a trip back uni to collect some documents before starting work on Mon.

Planning to go some cleaning up over the weekend too. Hopefully I will have enough self-discipline to get it all done and over with.

To everyone reading this, loopy's emo machine is back up and running. Adios!

Chicago Part 4

2007-06-06T12:22:00.000+08:00

I wasn't joking when I said I had a long day.

We only had a few hours after the river cruise, which we spent having Chicago style pizza, before going to the Sears Tower just in time for the sunset.

We timed our visit to coincide with the sunset and it worked out brilliantly!

The tall dark building to the right of me is the John Hancock building, the third tallest building in Chicago and a unique landmark on its own.

Lake Michigan, dotted with boats and yachts. The beauty of Chicago is that it has all the elements of nature (beaches, rivers, parks) coupled with the energy of a big city.

The sprawling suburbs of Chicago. It never ends.

Leaving the tower a little after 9pm, we headed over to Navy Pier for the weekly fireworks display. I didn't take any picture there because it was really dark and the pictures wouldn't have turned out great anyway.

This is the end of my Chicago post. Just a little something from my experience there. More importantly, I owe my sister for making this trip happen and also making all the sacrifices that she had for me.

Chicago Part 3

2007-06-06T12:06:00.000+08:00

At about 3pm, we left the museum and went for the Chicago architecture river cruise. We were lucky to get a really knowledgeable and funny tour guide. Not to mention, the boat ride was a great opportunity to take pictures.

I love the glass facade, in a shade of green synonymous with the river.

The black building is the famous Sears Tower.

Here's it again up-close.

Navy pier, where the ferris wheel is at.

Chicago Part 2

2007-06-06T11:44:00.000+08:00

On Saturday morning, we went to have Swedish breakfast.

Delicious cinnamon rolls, glad to finally have something to eat.

All the food has arrived!! Time to dig in~!

The carnage at the end of it all. Even though we were completely stuffed, it didn't deter us from our plans.

We went downtown and headed to the Art Museum. But before that, we stopped by Grant Park to check out the festivities.

The view of downtown from the park.

This huge amazing stage at the park. Must have cost millions.

This unique sculpture which name I can't remember. It's rather new and also considered a Chicago landmark.

The view of downtown reflected on it.

Digital art fountain in the park where videos of people are projected in synchronization with the water flow.

Ironically, when we finally made it to the Art Museum, I only took 2 pictures, one of which I've posted below.

Those avid fans of Desperate Housewives would be familiar with American Gothic, one of the most parodied paintings in the history of American paintings.

Chicago Part 1

2007-06-06T11:31:00.000+08:00

I'll keep things short and concise. Basically you already know the whole story, I spent my birthday weekend in Chicago, it was amazing, I had a great time, bla bla bla bla bla....

We arrived in Chicago on Fri night and immediately went to Emilio's for tapas. It was located off Michigan Avenue which is basically the Chicago equivalent of Bintang Walk or Orchard Road.

Here are some of the pictures I took on that night.

The Virgin store on Michigan Avenue.

The Gap store, again on Michigan Avenue.

The natural history museum.

Me with the barely visible Chicago skyline in the background.

A June 4th Night's Dream

2007-06-05T12:52:00.000+08:00

I know I promised to write about my trip to Chicago but that will have to wait because this can't.

It's now close to 1am, June 5th. A few hours ago, I went to dinner to an Italian restaurant with sis to celebrate my birthday. I specifically requested somewhere not so fancy because I wanted to be comfortable and that's how we ended up at Brio. I thought it was just going to be casual dinner, thought being the operative word here.

For my entree, I got a veal which was very tender but not as flavourful as I expected. It was enjoyable nonetheless.

Having finished my main course, I wanted to make a quick run to the restroom before the dessert rolled out only to have my sis jump up and stop me!

Before I knew it, this came out.

I was completely taken by surprise! Naturally, I was grinning from ear to ear, lol.

Nothing left to do but make a wish or two. I suppose concentrating hard helps, lol.

If you haven't figured it out already, this is how I look like trying to blow out the candles, hehe.

Four desserts and two martinis (the orange crush is mine) it was a very sweet celebration. For those we are interested, the desserts are creme brulee, apple crisp and strawberry bread pudding.

Feeling completely stuffed, happy and somewhat guilty for being pampered, we went home ready to chill and call it a night. Apparently, I was the only one with that thought.

Just as I sitting there watching the tv, my sis tapped me on my shoulder and gave me this.

It was at this point where I felt completely overwhelmed and lost my ability of speech. I kept opening and closing my mouth - kinda like a goldfish - but no words came out. After the amazing weekend in Chicago, I totally didn't expect anything, much less a present.

I put my hand in and out came this.

A messenger bag which I've been looking for in anticipation of my internship in July. I've actually seen this weeks ago and expressed my interest but decided to put it on my KIV list while I shopped around. And here it is.

Except that, inside the bag, there was this.

I saw this on sale weeks ago and gushed bout it for a little while (ok, maybe for some time) before finally deciding that I didn't really need any more distractions.

To complete the package,

a cute and "profound" card to boot.

Finally, an overview of the entire ecstasy inducing scene.

Nirvana!~

The 4th of June

2007-06-04T04:46:00.000+08:00

It's the time of the year again when I wake up feeling exactly how I felt the morning before. However, I am the only one who feels that way because the rest of the world (around me at least) considers today to be the day where I am officially one year older.

So today, I am 22 years of age.

There, I've said it. Once again, I'm a year older even though I've been feeling 18 for a few years now. I don't expect to feel any different soon, not even within a year or maybe. Maybe in time, I will feel like an adult and that will signify another phase of my life. Till then, I'm content to live in the moment.

Anyway I had an amazing weekend in the Windy City, aka Chicago.

The city is just so beautiful, full of energy and diverse. I am totally in love with it and everyone reading my blog can love it too when I post the zillions of pictures that I've taken on my trip, when I post them anyway.

This post however is dedicated to myself, to commemorate my very own special day, made even more amazing by all the wishes I've received.

Imagine my surprise when I checked my email today (first time in 4 days) to discover I had 36 new mails and that they looked like this.

Thank you very much guys! You guys really made my day. Can't describe how happy and loved you guys make me feel. I hope everyone of you reads this but no worries, I will personally reply each and everyone of you later. Before that, I'd just like everyone to know that I appreciate it, and we will always be friends, if not BFFs *grin* forever.

Thank you and love you lots!

Memorial Day Weekend

2007-06-01T00:27:00.000+08:00

Yes, I've been lazy. I know.

It's just so much easier to laze around everyday and wait for time to pass.

Anyway haven't been taking any pictures recently although I did a number of fun things. That's not a problem though cuz I still have some pictures which I've yet to upload.

Just a quick recap so everyone knows I'm still alive.

Last Fri night, my sis brought me to a wine tasting with her friends. It was a new experience I guess. I didn't opt for the tasting cuz we arrived late so sis decided to get a bottle of Chardonnay instead. Oh, and I should mention now that she likes white.

From there, we headed across the street to a bar and continued drinking beers. Having learned my lesson, I exercised self-control (finally!) and didn't get into any trouble. Even though at times I felt a little out of place among her friends, I did have a really good time. Her frens were really nice and one of them was teaching me some nifty bar tricks, lol.

They continued bar hopping but sis and me decided to call it a night cuz we didn't exactly had quite as much sleep as we'd liked the day before.

On Sat, sis and I went to do a little shopping before heading to the Taste in Cincinnati, which is basically this food festival downtown. The purpose was to let everyone sample the food that are available in Cincinnati for what amounts to peanuts. So there were tents from various restaurants in town eager to let hawk their signature dishes.

There were only more shopping on Sunday. We kinda went all the way to the burbs but I still didn't have much luck. Finally, I got a shirt from which I wasn't crazy about, but liked just enough.

At night, sis went to a party which I was supposed to attend too but my stomach wasn't feeling too well so I gave it a miss. Apparently, it was a rather fun party. Well, I'm not sorry I missed it. Was dead tired that day.

Since Monday was Memorial Day, was sis didn't have to work and it was today which I had the most fun. I bought a few article of clothings without breaking the bank either. Imagine a jacket that cost only USD12. It's a steal! Tried on this really nice boot-cut Chino in Banana Republic but it was a little long for me. Also not very sure if I'll still be able to fit into it if I put on weight, haha.

After hitting like half a dozen stores, we went back for the taste again cuz we didn't have much time the last time. We went out of our way to try most of the award winning dishes and by the end of it, we were completely stuff.

Coupled that with the shopping, I was very satisfied.

PS. Going to Chicago tmr. Will update when I'm back and up for it, lol.

Zoom Zoom (No, not the Mazda)

2007-05-23T03:30:00.000+08:00

Today, I drove out for the first time, unsupervised. It was a little daunting but my sis has given me a little practice over the last week.

Drive on the right side of the road, the right, the right, the right.....

Kept repeating that mantra in my head.

If your wondering, no, I did not turn into oncoming traffic, yet. I may I guess, never know with these things.

Like I said before, it's a very daunting experience. There's just so much uncertainty. And god, by now, everyone reading my blog should know how intolerant I am about that.

The first thing I went to do today was gas up the car. Although I'm vaguely certain that you pay the guy in the counter, I wasn't completely 100% sure either.

What do I say to him?
How do I say it?
Is there a particular lingo?
God, I'm killing myself with this...

And even after I did that, I still couldn't pump. Before I panicked, I realised that I had to lift a part of the pump up in order to start pumping. Luckily it worked.

Next, we hit up 2 different supermarkets so my mom could get the ingredients she needed to make the dishes my sis was craving for.

I began with the Asian supermarket which was located far off in the suburbs. Then I drove to Kroger's which is the regular grocery store nearer to the city.

The quick transition from the two widly different environment was a little shocking to me. At the Asian market, there were Asians everywhere albeit only a small number considering today's a work day. At Kroger's, there were a lot more ppl but everyone was Caucasian. Not that I am surprised but when you see two different environments so similar yet wildly different at the same time, it makes you wonder.

And it was a Kroger's where my spirits were dampened. At the checkout, I wanted to see if I had enough change to pay for groceries instead of accumulating more coins. However, being unfamiliar - I can only tell quarters in a glance at this point - with the different coins, I struggled a little bit before deciding I didn't have enough.

I gave the cashier 20 bucks, expecting to get 3.15 back but he only gave me 3.00 instead. I didn't ask him for the shortfall. I don't think it's a custom because I've gotten tonnes of change before but at the same time, I'm not sure.

I highly doubt it though. I just feel particular disappointed at myself. If only I wasn't so hopeless, I wouldn't be taken advantage of. I miss the confident me. And I really despised being inferior, almost as much as being perceived as inferior.

Tonight I'm going to play a game with myself.

It's called "Let's buy something with coins."

The Landing Strip 2

2007-05-22T04:35:00.000+08:00

Continued

Sorry it took me this long to write the second part. I'm kinda distracted these days, lol.

Anyway the next morning, we woke up around 10am and got the the airport around 1130am. We explored the airport a little bit and went to check-in for our connecting flight.

Having bought our tickets through a third party online, I had no idea how to check-in without the tickets. The Continental Airlines lady manning the booth was quite the sour face bitch, and yes, that will forever be my impression of Continental. You hear that Contel!!

Turns out, I had to perform a self check-in by swiping my passport on the machine. There were a dozen other options though. Once I got it right, checking in was a breeze. Was just glad to bid bitchy lady farewell.

Then we went go grab a little lunch at this fastfood outlet called Miami Subs - I think - which was quite acceptable. Not very healthy though.

The flight was scheduled at 250 and we boarded on time. It was a tiny little plane but my concern was just reaching my destination asap. At this point, I had a little fever from the chilly weather in New York.

About 1 and a half hour later, we landed at the airport and the pilot's voice came on.

"Ladies and gentleman, we are very sorry to tell you that we are early by 25 minutes."

At which point, everyone broke out laughing. These things are almost never early. I silently gave thanks for the end of my misery. No more planes. I'm there!

Weekend Marathon

2007-05-21T04:07:00.000+08:00

I had a long and adventurous weekend.

On Friday morning, I went to pick up the tickets for Saturday night. That in itself, is an interesting story for next time.

After that, my sis dropped my mom and me at the Museum Center where once again, I did not bring the camera because I forgot to charge it the night before. Basically, the Museum Center at Union Terminal houses 3 museums, the Museum of Natural History, Cincinnati History Museum and the Children's Museum in addition to the Omnimax Theater. The Museum Center itself used to be a train station and one could still board trains from there. The architecture is very much similar to the famed Grand Central Terminal in New York.

Since there wasn't anything interesting showing at the Omnimax, we only visited the Natural History museum. It was a very very long walk and I had to sit down a number of times. Then, we hit up the souvenir shop and got 2 quirky fridge magnets with the word Cincinnati on them.

Then, we took a 35 minutes walk home on a rather chilly day. It was great to see downtown again although it's not as interesting as the larger cities.

At night, we went for a ballet. Three different dances was performed that night, from Twyla Tarp to a more contemporary Finnish choreographer's work and finally ending with a jazzy dance easily appreciated by the masses.

Then on Saturday afternoon, my sis's fren had a farewell party at the park and we brought some food over. Some of her frens were really nice but I mostly kept myself occupied by playing games.

At night, my sis conned us to an Italian opera accompanied by a choral group and the orchestra which she described to us initially as "just a symphony". It was a different experience to say the least, having been to a symphony before this. Thank god I read up on the plot before the show began and also they had supertitles (subtitles hung high up near the ceiling) in English for those unfortunate enough not to comprehend Italian.

After the show, we joined her frens again for clubbing and boy, it was crazy. All it takes is 2 drinks to blow the inhibitions away. I had an amazing time, and I don't have any regrets even though the next morning wasn't very fun. Her fren's were very nice, but I suppose alcohol makes everyone friendly-ier, lol.

Sun was just spent chilling and recuperating. Was supposed to go to a jazz recital at night but just wasn't up to it anymore. Looking back, if anyone asks about my trip, there is no way I can say anything but that I've really enjoyed myself.

Zoolander

2007-05-18T02:59:00.000+08:00

I know everyone has been waiting for pictures, so on Monday, I went to the zoo and finally remembered to bring the camera.

I'll just do a really quick photo roll because I get lazy again.

I forgot to take a picture of the entrance but oddly, this caught my attention.

The zen garden inside

Lucked out on this koi which was swimming with its head above the surface

Rhinooooooooooo

Love this polar bear shot. Can't say the same about the bear though. It was stinky.

Different composition

Medium close-up

I don't want to know what it's doing

"Look at my ass!"

The cat plagiarised my goofy pose

Pool for monkeys. Monkeys are optional though.

Notice the angle of the horns

Sorry for the lens flare, but look at the eyes

Cute bird

But even cuter illustration

Some elephants

and a parrot

The greenhouse

and I came all the way here to look at Aloe Vera, which used to grow in my backyard.

This is the end guys, next time!

Party Winds Down

2007-05-13T09:14:00.000+08:00

It's been a pretty hectic two days. Yesterday we went on a day trip to Hocking Hills, bout 2 hrs drive from here. It's a huge state park (forest reserve) and we went to a few spots where there were amazing water falls and caves.

Now is the part where I post pictures and gush about how beautiful it was. Except that, well I forgot to bring the camera..... *replay of sis screaming at me*

So there I've said it. We can all move on now.

Then today, we went to this famous pancake place which was rather fun. Was stuffed like a teddy bear. Think I won't crave for it in a long long time.

Then we dropped by the mall for a short while. Among the only interesting there (other than all the upscale stores I recognized) was the Apple Store which was very cool. Not as cool as the glass house in New York but it's nice seeing a real Apple store for the first time.

The trying part came later that evening. My sis hosted a party for her closest friends and I had to interact with them. Boy, did I work it. It was hard at the beginning. I was nervous as hell and I didn't know any of them. I spent the first 15 minutes of it asking what drinks I should get them in order to avoid any conversation. However, things did get easier once the party was in full swing. For all its worth, her friends were amazingly nice and they tried their best to talk to me and my mom. So all my awkward self had to do was at least try to meet them halfway, and I did.

Right now, I feel that everyday is a battle/challenge. Every single day, there's something that requires me to get out of my comfort zone. And damn, I am nervous about it. The hard part is that it's not something that can be eased into. The learning curve is just really steep. One part of me wants to avoid it all but I know it needs to be done. I wish I didn't have to dread the moments leading to it. At times, I wish I could just have a few drinks and get on with it. I won't be the first person to fight anxiety with alcohol.

The Landing Strip 1

2007-05-09T20:54:00.000+08:00

I'm here. The other side of the world, I'm here.

DAY 1

12 hours flight and I land in Stockholm. Transit, then delayed for 2 hours at Arlanda Airport. Well, from my rather short stay in Sweden, this is my impression of it.

A lot of trees
A lot of lakes
A lot of rivers
More trees
Blond hair and blue eyes everywhere...

Leaving Stockholm, the flight was significantly emptier. Most of the blonds has disembarked, replaced by a few more mature - uncle - blonds. For this leg of the journey, the lazy flight attendants turned off the lights pretty soon into the journey and didn't reappear towards the end in order to serve dinner.

Anyway bout, 8 hours later, I landed at Newark Airport in New Jersey (close to New York). I could see the Manhattan skyline in a distance, with the Empire State Building evidently the tallest building in sight. Fedex had a little terminal - and quite a number of jets - at the airport, testament to the massive overnight delivery industry here.

It was very chilly. My first taste of cold weather. And for those wondering, it was definitely colder than Genting or Cameron. It was about 16 or 17 degrees Celsius.

After a little while of getting my bearings, I finally figured out the whole place. Newark International Airport (EWR) is actually made up of 3 Terminals, which consist of Domestic, International and the Continental hub. Between them, you have to take the Airtrain which connects them all together in addition to a few other platforms for car rental and other services.

Finally, at nearly 9pm, I check into one of the many airport hotels for the night. Wasn't exactly the Marriot, but good enough. Very clean bathrooms.

After watching reruns of Friends, I decided to call it a night at about 1030pm.

To Be Continued

10 Hrs To Go

2007-05-06T21:20:00.000+08:00

I think I may be irrational. Actually, I know I am.

Why else would I feel this way?? It's just absolutely crazy. Doesn't make any sense whatsoever at all. Immediately, it feels like the NTU fiasco all over again. Except this time, I can't back out. No plan B. And no caring, wonderfully objective and truly understanding (of me) sister to scream some senses into me.

Because I'm not getting out of control, yet. And mainly, because I didn't lay it out to her as it is.

As much as I hate it, the other she may be right. I have more anxiety than the average person. And I hate that. For all the years of education and self-awareness, at the end, I still couldn't escape the average Asian's low level of tolerance for the unknown.

I hate being hopeless.

I hate myself for being hopeless.

And I hate myself.

After taking a seat back, and a deep breath (or more!), my issues evaporates away. It's all me, being insensible. Slowly, I rationalize it all. I believe it, somewhat. And I feel calmer. I'm just glad I can manage to keep it under wraps.

Maybe, at the end of the day, I am rather average in this regard. However, there is hope I can change. That I can learn. And I can be better.

Snip Snip Snip

2007-05-04T19:34:00.000+08:00

New haircut for the holidays.

I'm not getting this haircut again. Dunno why my hair guy always insist on giving me "trendy" haircut. I'm beginning to wonder if he's part of some consortium of hairstylists whose mission is to churn out nearly identical haircuts to flood the streets in order to create and feed the fad.

Dunno what to say anymore.

Life sucks. Bleh.

Saw Spidey3. Was enjoyable. Nothing to say other than that.

Till next time.

Bye.